Pants 0. Shit 1.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
