do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
