I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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