...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
