Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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