the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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