mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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