Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
