We're like a lot better than the average bears
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
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nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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