Nicole vs. Life
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
