She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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