hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
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I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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