I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm really busy with my period
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