I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
