Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
