Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize