what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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