I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
