i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I've blown a few things in my day
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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