Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
