It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
