it was like eating out sand paper
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
