just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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