totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize