Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
