john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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