You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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