Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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