I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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