We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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