who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
