Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
