I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
