We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
