checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
