Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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