Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
