Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
