I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
