dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
