he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
