woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
