Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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