I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
