she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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