allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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