I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
