we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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