I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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