My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
