Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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