i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
