Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
