The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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