I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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