giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize