In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
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You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
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I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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